18 Weeks

I am going to be 18 weeks tomorrow! It kinda seems like a magical number because often this week is when people find out the gender of their baby...of course my ultrasound isn't until next week, but it's still really neat to know that these babies are going to have names soon! Despite all of the excitement over the 18 week ultrasound, there is still a great need for your prayers. This ultrasound isn't just about learning the gender of the babies. This ultrasound checks to make sure the babies have "normal" anatomy...such as their heart, brain, and all other organs. I think we often skip over the scary part of this ultrasound and focus just on the excitement of knowing the babies on a more personal level. I want to have a good balance of both and I would ask that you would join me in praying for the health of the babies as we go into this ultrasound and throughout the pregnancy. Another concern I have is preterm labor...imagine that, the NICU nurse in me is worried about preterm labor. But, it is a serious concern especially with twins. I have just been praying to the Lord for an uncomplicated pregnancy and that the twins would be healthy (and me too). So thanks to all of you who are praying for me and the babies.

On another note, Scott was able to feel one of the twins move on Saturday night for the first time. I guess its pretty clear that it must be fetal movement!! We have an OB appointment on Friday. I weighed myself at my parents house last night (we don't have a scale at home) and I think I have gained another 5 lbs! Thankfully the morning sickness has gotten to the point where I can keep down everything I eat most days. I don't know if it will go away completely or not, but this is definitely tolerable. Either way, as long as the babies are getting what they need, I'm happy.

I also want to take a moment to reflect upon our loss. The twins are an immense blessing and I can truly say that the Lord gives abundantly...but He also takes away. I know I will never understand the exact purpose of miscarriage. No matter the reason (even a perfect reason like the Lord has) it is still a painful tragedy to endure. I feel it is even more painful when one has an appreciation for life that comes from knowing our Lord and Savior. A life is a life no matter how small or how short it is. I have had some moments recently where I have been reminded of the pain I felt during the last year of trying to get pregnant and losing two precious babies. Sadly, there are tragedies like this happening to people I know and don't know every day and when I see them occur I am reminded that my pain is not mine alone. But, the Lord is good and He does give abundantly. I only pray that He will allow Scott and I the opportunity, privilege, and challenge to parent these children for their time this side of heaven. Lately, I know that my joy has overshadowed my pain, but I want everyone to know that I still feel it. When I heard the song "Your Hands" which I posted to my blog yesterday, I cried. That song has a way of both bringing back the pain and comforting me at the same time. I certainly don't want to live in the past and rehash my pain over and over again...but, I don't think trying to pretend it isn't there is the answer either. Thankfully, the Lord has given something to be very joyous about lately and I know that His works are amazing!

In closing, thank you all for your continued prayers! My support system is another great blessing and I am thankful for each of you. I hope that in your time of need, I will be a source of comfort for you as well.